


The Life of Professor Mew, phD

by myu_gao



Category: MewGulf - Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drabbles, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myu_gao/pseuds/myu_gao
Summary: Though he teaches Calculus 2, ostensibly the most boring class in the university, Professor Mew is anything but that.latest drabble: sexuality, amongst other things
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 69
Kudos: 262





	1. it's 8am

**Author's Note:**

> \- these are gonna be drabbles so they’re kinda short  
> \- i didn’t take calc 2 pls forgive me if the maths in this becomes wildly inaccurate. i think my hatred of maths is perfectly understandable. i’m not big-brained like mew :P  
> -**** this fic is a series of drabbles, so even though it's marked as complete, i'll still be updating it from time to time; hope that makes sense!

It's 8am in the morning and the first Calculus 2 class of the semester is just beginning. Absolutely none of the students look excited, but, well, they're quite justified. No one at all seems to be excited.

No one, that is, except the professor himself. If you ask the earliest students, they'll tell you he's been seated at that table in the front since they came in, grading papers with a practiced efficiency and stopping only to greet each entering student with a kind smile and a quick nod. He's wearing a crisp white button-up and simple black slacks, but these are made fashionable by a casual three buttons left undone (showing a mildly scandalous level of chest) and a pair of neon pink socks.

His hair is messy, presumably from him brushing through it as he grades the papers. His fingers tap the side of the desk idly as he reads through the work. There's a simple silver band on his ring finger.

There is a pomeranian-patterned bento on the side of the desk, tied up with a matching pomeranian-patterned handkerchief. It looks to have been tied very carefully, though the cloth itself is slightly wrinkled. If one looked closely enough, they would see a tiny note just under the folds of the handkerchief. _Good luck, phi!_ it says, with a haphazardly drawn sunflower to the side of it.

The owner of that bento box, the professor himself, is a surprising piece of eye candy. Students that walk in blink their bleary eyes a little harder and break out into frantic murmurs as their sleepy brains register - wow, their lecturer is...hot? Normally, Jane and her friends, currently seated in the back rows of the lecture hall, would have been squealing over him. Alas, it's 8am and their first class of the academic year. Someone in the front row gives a very audible yawn. There'll be much more time to take a closer look at that eye candy.

The clock says it’s eight am on the dot. The professor shuffles his papers into a stack, cracks his knuckles, and gently rolls his neck around. Runs a veiny hand through his hair.

"Good morning, class!" No one replies. The professor takes it in stride.

"I get that it's 8am on a Tuesday and you all probably don't want to be at school, much less in a calc class." A groan in agreement, from the front row again. Someone's getting brave. There's a scattering of laughter, and even the professor allows himself a small smile.

"My full name is Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat, but you can call me Mew. I'll be your lecturer for this semester." He goes on for a while about administrative details - office hours, grading breakdown, major assignments. Jane rubs the sleep out of her eyes, carefully jots down office hours, and tries not to fall asleep in her biggest, comfiest hoodie. It's a task. The hot lecturer's not helping either - now that her eyes aren't bleary, Jane can see his piercings. Piercings! She can approve of a man in piercings. Now she just wants to go home, curl up on her couch and dream about her potential lover.

Mercifully, the professor ends class early, as if sensing her thoughts. He also leaves quickly - apparently he's got another lesson to teach straight after this. Jane yawns. Personally, she's planning to head home for a nap and to continue daydreaming about her ideal relationship. The noise in the lecture hall increases exponentially after the professor leaves, and continuation of the murmurs that had filled the classroom before the lecture.

Jane hears students whispering the professor's name - she can barely catch a few other words like "actor" and "director" and more than a few gasps of shock.

She leans over to her best friend, Mean, who is also in the Computer Science department and the heart of gossip of the entire university.

"What's going on?" She hisses.

"Our professor used to be an actor!" Mean whispers, "No wonder he's so hot, damn."

"My mom used to be a fan." Someone else says, and a phone is passed around. It gets to Jane after a while, and she finds a browser on mydramalist.com, to a picture of a very familiar man. The same man who'd been standing in front of the lecture hall a few minutes earlier, just ten-ish years younger. Still good-looking, but he's definitely aged like fine wine.

Scrolling down leads to an impressive and extensive list of projects, from movies to dramas to TV shows. Professor Mew's older stuff is mostly acting, but in recent years, a lot more directing credits have popped up on his portfolio. It looks to be a diverse range, from romance to mysteries to thrillers. It's a lot, and Jane scrolls for a long time before she finally gets to the bottom of the page.

"He's an actor and a director, wow." Jane voices to the crowd, finally handing the phone over to the next person. "Wait, then how is he a professor?" Mean and a couple of their classmates frown in similar confusion.

"Honestly, should I go to office hours just to ask? I fucking hate calc, but I'll do it for the tea." Mean says, chin in her hand. Jane doesn't doubt that she will if she has to.

"Don't worry, we have a whole semester of 8am calculus lectures to ask." Collective groans, and it's time for their next classes.


	2. integration techniques and intergalactic GLs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- manifestation list: 1. producer mew, 2. intergalactic GL, 3. mild and goy (pLS)  
> \- yes, jane is kinda based off janeeyeh (she's rly cute don't blame me)

Book has always been a quiet girl. But by Buddha, if she doesn't get some help for Calculus 2, she's going to flunk the class, and she absolutely cannot let that happen. Her mom and dad would have her head.

To be honest, she hasn't thought much more beyond just appearing at office hours. She's hovering near the door, glancing nervously into the office where a couple of students are already gathered, chatting happily with the professor.

"Nong?" She realizes Professor Mew is calling out to her a beat too late, and raises her head frantically, cheeks red.

"Y-Yes?"

"Would you like to join us?" Book nods quickly, slipping into a seat. The girl beside her gives her a kind smile. Her iridescent butterfly clips catch the light.

"Hi, I'm Jane." She says.

"I'm Book." Book whispers quietly, giving a tiny smile in return. Apparently she'd come in at a good time, because they'd only started discussing integration techniques.

Everyone else in the group is a lot more outgoing, but professor Mew makes all the effort to include her. Jane actually manages to ask Mew about his past in the entertainment industry (under the guise of a calculus question, which is impressive), fiddling with a curled strand of coloured hair as she does.

"I'd consider myself still in the industry," Professor Mew says, "I just do a lot more behind the scenes nowadays." He admits he'd taken this lecturing job not because he had to, but because he enjoys teaching.

"Don't tell anyone, but calculus isn't my biggest passion." A couple of giggles, and Book smiles nervously, "I still wanted to teach it though, because teaching is so undermined and undervalued in our current society."

This seems to be a topic of passion for Professor Mew, because he goes on.

"I think our education system is flawed, and it may be very presumptuous of me, but I'd like to be part of changing that one day. Anyway, since you all have the privilege of being able to attend this prestigious university, and I have the privilege of teaching you all, let's all work hard and get you those stellar grades. Yes, nong Nick, even if calculus makes you want to fall asleep. Okay?"

"Okay!" The students chorus - a couple of the girls are blushing, and the guys look impressed.

"My mae told me to make sure to get good grades in this class for you, professor!" Nong Nick shouts from the side, "She's a fan!"

A genuine smile crosses professor Mew's face.

"Tell her thank you. For continuing to support me through my journey." A moment of silence. This feels more solemn that any of them can truly comprehend. "And tell her that I will always be there for my fans, no matter what."

* * *

They split off into pairs for more effective consultation, and Book pairs off with Jane. The other girl is chipper, and beyond being absolutely gorgeous, she's an expert at calculus.

"Could've passed out of this class," Jane says honestly, re-clipping one of her butterfly clips, "but Mean - my other friend in the class, she takes Compsci - convinced me to retake it with her."

"O-oh," Book's voice cracks, and she colours, "I see."

They make good progress on the homework assignment, though it's mostly Jane guiding Book through the questions, explaining every concept to her simply and concisely. Their progress is so quick that by the time Professor Mew comes over, they're practically done with the assignment. The professor looks impressed, but tells them not to get too relaxed - apparently the homework assignments get progressively more difficult later into the semester. Book gulps.

Jane pounces upon the opportunity.

"Anyways, since we finished quickly...professor, will you tell us more about your acting and directing?" 

There's a very visible sparkle in the professor's eye. He looks left and right, and glances quickly back at all the students before turning back to them.

"Well, I started acting about six or seven years ago. My first real break was a show called _Tharntype the Series_ \- a lot of amazing things happened to me because of that show." There's a little faraway glint in his eye. "I released a few albums and even had an art exhibition, but my goal was to try out directing and producing for myself." He talks a little about his journey, the trials and tribulations he's gone through. It's clear how much of a passion he has for his producing.

"That's amazing!" Jane says, eyes wide. Book nods vigorously in silent agreement. "Are any of your projects coming out soon?"

Mew presses his lips together, looking a little tentative at first, but then he winks and tells them they'll have to promise to keep this a secret until the series is released. Then he starts explaining: it's an intergalactic story of planets and worlds beyond their's, where times have changed and the future seems dark. 

"And this next part you really have to keep secret, but Mild and Goy will be playing the main roles." P'Mild and p'Goy, the most attractive actresses on this side of the planet.

_Does that mean -_

Jane's mouth drops.

"Oh my god."

Book can't help the tiny gasp. Rubs her thumbs together anxiously.

"P-professor." She says hesitantly. He looks up from his papers, a lock of brown hair flopping artfully over his left eye. Jane turns to look at her too, eyes curious. Book's cheeks flush just a bit more.

"Yes?"

"I-I'm looking forward to watching your project when it comes out."

Maybe Calculus 2 won't be that bad after all.


	3. sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- just a quick bit  
> \- gulf wants a shiba inu n mew loves the name alexander = enough inspo for me to run off of, apparently  
> \- also congrats to mg on the maya awards!! well-deserved as usual  
> \- without further ado, pls enjoy :))

Professor Mew receives a phone call during lecture. This is unusual because of two reasons: firstly, the professor always keeps his notifications off during class. This one rings throughout the classroom, a love song if the lyrics _“miss you my baby”_ are anything to go by. Secondly, the professor takes one look at his phone and immediately excuses himself to take it, telling the students to work out the problem on the board while they’re waiting for him.

They, of course, do anything but that.

“It must be an important phone call, for him to pick up so quickly.”

“Who could it be from?”

“His girlfriend?”

“Doesn’t have to be a girlfriend,” Jane waves this off dismissively, “could just be his partner. Professor Mew does seem like the romantic type.”

“But what could they be calling him for?” Mean wonders, chin in her hand, “Even if it’s his _faen_ professor Mew always takes his teaching so seriously.” This is a fact. Professor Mew always goes above and beyond when teaching their class, giving one-on-one sessions to whoever needs it and just generally being the most supportive professor ever. For something to be able to disrupt one of his lectures, it must be a big issue.

They’re not given much time to ponder this because professor Mew bursts back into the classroom, his sleeves rolled up and veins showing. There’s an expression on his face that looks something akin to panic, albeit a very very calm version of it.

“Hey everyone,” the professor sighs, then runs a hand through his hair. It’s messy, looks like he’d been ruffling through it even throughout the phone call. “We’re gonna have to cut class a bit short today, I’m sorry.” He looks flustered admitting this, and everyone in the classroom is shocked, to say the least - professor Mew, notorious for never changing deadlines and never tolerating latecomers, is cutting a lecture short?

“Is everything okay, professor?” A worried student inquires.

“My Shiba Inu - he’s called Alexander - he’s sick. And my partner’s taking care of my other dog Chopper so I have to go back and take him to the vet.” Nods of understanding and murmurs of _aw_ rush across the room. The professor further explains that he’ll upload some examples and recordings as soon as possible - he seems to be talking himself into a bit of a panic, and the students quickly rush to reassure him.

“Hope everything’s okay, professor!” Jane shouts, and a few others echo the sentiment.

And so class is dismissed for the day at a prompt 8:35am, with professor Mew promising to update them on his dog’s condition next class before rushing out the room.

* * *

(Later someone sends in their class groupchat a screenshot from Mew’s instagram. It’s a picture of Mew beaming widely, a plump little Shiba Inu in his hands. Its nametag has sunflowers on it, and it says _Alexander_ in neat handwriting. There’s another chubby pomeranian by his feet, pawing at his owner pleadingly. Its nametag is different, with a cute sun pattern on it. The writing on it, reading _Chopper,_ is much more messy.

**Jane**

His dogs are so cuteeee

So fluffy

I wanna squish

**Mean**

PROF MEWWWWW

OMG HE LOOKS SO HOT AJDLGA

Professor Mew has plenty other photos of him and the dogs, or just the dogs. The students send them into the group chat one by one as they discover them.

**Mean**

Guyssss

Can we convince him to bring the dogs to class??

**Jane**

Deffff

I need to see those fluffballs irl

**Arm**

Okay but does anyone know the person he tagged

Seems like another actor

Also didn’t prof say his partner was taking care of his other dog

So where’s his partner

The caption says: _Alexander says thank you for everyone’s concerns! Just went to the vet and it was just a little cold. (📸_ @gulfkanawut)

They discover that the account belongs to another actor. He mostly has pictures from editorials and endorsements on his page, and interspersed amongst these are a couple photos of Alexander and Chopper. The class coo over the two pups in every photo they chance upon. _He’s probably one of the professor’s close friends_ , the students assume. Oh, if only they knew.)


	4. technology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- yes you will absolutely see me mentioning a shiba inu named alexander in every chapter bc i'm trying to MANIFEST it  
> \- pls mew get your bf a shiba inu puppy it'd be so cute

Mean digs a boney elbow into Jane’s side, and gets a glare for her efforts. The other girl is slouched in her seat, phone propped against the side of the desk as she attempts to subtly snap a few pictures. It’s 8:05am in the morning and Mean is less awake, and even less predisposed to handle whatever Jane’s doing.

“What?”

“Is anyone gonna tell him?” Mean hisses. The professor is currently explaining differential techniques, and thankfully the screech of the whiteboard marker hides the sound of their whispers. Mean casually looks around at her peers. A select few are actually paying attention to what’s being explained, but most of them - her included - have their eyes fixed on the main projector.

“Maybe, after I finish taking these pictures.”

Mean sighs, turning back to the screen. If professor Mew notices that the discussion is a bit louder than usual today, he doesn’t show it, continuing to write and explain various examples on the whiteboard.

Behind him, his screen is still on the same window it’s been since the students walked in. The professor must’ve forgotten to turn the projector off, because there’s no way - absolutely no way - that he would leave this window open for all the students to gape at. Professor Mew is personable but private, and this, whatever it is, looks very private.

The Line conversation on the screen in question is amusing, adorable, and intriguing in equal counts:

**tua-aeng**

Teerak😾

**teerak**

tua-aeng 💗

**tua-aeng**

Why is Alexander wearing Moschino dog clothing 😡

I thought we agreed

One Ralph Lauren for each

No more

**teerak**

he looks so cute thoughhhh

don’t you think so?

tua-aenggggg

**tua-aeng**

...you bought more, didn’t you 😅😅

**teerak**

💗💗💗💗

Ily babyyyy

**tua-aeng**

P’Mew.

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Where.

**teerak**

back of the closet

love you na, baby

nonggggg

send me hearts backkk

💗💗💗

plsssss

give your phi motivation for this lecture

**tua-aeng**

It’s been how many years and you’re still calling me nong?

😳 😳

…

Good luck for your class

And don’t buy anymore designer dog clothes

💗

**teerak**

can’t promise

also

you’ll always be my nong 💗

ttyl tua-aeng i gtg

“I wish I was in a relationship like that.” Jane says wistfully. She finishes snapping all the photos she needs and finally slips her phone away into her pleated plaid skirt. Today her clips are little stars and moons, and she clips one into her french braid for good measure.

“You could.” Mean reminds her.

“I could, but she’s so shy. It’s so cute, I just wanna enjoy it for a while longer.” Mean doesn’t have to look over at her best friend to know that the latter is currently staring, lovestruck, at the back of a head in the first row. _Couples._

Mean mock-vomits into her textbook. She doesn’t know what’s more sappy, the scene taking place in front of her or the Line conversation that is still plastered on the projector. Guess it’s up to her now. Mean shoves her textbook back into her bag before raising her hand.

“Professor?”

Mew’s head snaps up and he calls on her immediately.

“Can you show the example from the e-textbook? I forgot to bring mine.” Mean narrowly avoids being poked by Jane. Whatever. She’s had her fun.

* * *

Mew colours just a bit when he notices the window he’s left the screen on. Turns around to see the evidence of his and Gulf’s Line conversation on the projector, there and ready for the whole world to see. He also can’t help the slight smile that crosses his face. Yes he’d bought more designer doggy clothes for both Alexander and Chopper - his babies deserve it. Plus, no matter how much Gulf denies it, he’s seen the man smiling whenever he dresses the two pups in their colourful outfits. Mew will take any scolding if it means he gets to see that secretive smile.

He coughs, just to regain some semblance of authority. _How long has this even been on the projector? Damnit, Mew._

“Right. The textbook. Thank you, nong Mean.”

The class progresses without any further incident. Probably because most of the class is busy either on their laptops or their phones, gushing over the cuteness of it all and coming up with theories about who this _tua-aeng_ is. Neither they nor professor Mew mentions anything else about it, almost like a silent agreement, but they all know.


	5. switzerland, again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- not having a great day but i hope this gives someone out there a good dose of serotonin  
> \- anyways idk if i’ve conveyed this but thank you so so so much to everyone who’s commented and interacted w me, it means a lot!

Professor Mew’s Instagram feed is pretty straightforward. It’s usually either photos of his endorsements, behind the scenes of his upcoming projects, photos of his dogs, and last but not least, vacation pictures. Sometimes Jane thinks that her professor, with how well he’s done for himself in life, could probably go without taking on the role of a professor. But he’s so passionate about education, about teaching them - Jane can’t help but aspire to become someone on that level.

But the main point is: vacations. It’s been a few weeks into the term and Jane is so, so tired of lecture halls, all-nighters, and homework. Looking at professor Mew’s instagram, with its scenic pictures of Nagoya to Taiwan, Hong Kong to Seoul - it’s making her more than a little jealous.

“After you finish this class, you’re free to go wherever you want, nong.” Professor Mew tells her. Jane doesn’t come to office hours for calculus help (and to be honest, she doesn’t really need it), but she’s become somewhat of a tutor in the class, usually helping professor Mew teach the students. As such, she’s in the office a little earlier than the rest of her peers. It’s cool, because professor Mew has a lot of advice to give, and he holds a good conversation.

Jane sighs wistfully.

“I want to go to Switzerland. Have you ever been to Switzerland, professor?”

“Yeah, I’ve been, but I’d like to go again.” 

“Were the views that nice, professor?”

A small smile crosses professor Mew’s face. There’s almost a sense of secrecy to it, in the way that whatever he’s thinking of has immediately filled his veins with serotonin.

“Yes, but it’s also because I’d love to take my _faen_ there.” Jane wiggles her brows teasingly, and the professor lets out a light chuckle. “I just feel like the whole experience will be different with themthere.”

“Oh?”

“My _faen_ just makes everything better.” Professor Mew elaborates. Jane barely suppresses the urge to squeal in delight. _So cute!_ She’s never met the professor’s _faen_ but she just knows she’s their biggest shipper.

“You must really love them, huh.” There’s a knowing smile on Jane’s face. She doesn’t want to say she’s a particularly perceptive person, but after that other day, she’d scrolled through more and more of that other actor - Gulf Kanawut’s instagram. All she has to say is - if professor Mew and khun Gulf happen to be co-parenting Alexander and Chopper, they could do more to conceal this from the public. And professor Mew’s mysterious smile is answer enough.

To be fair, professor Mew has mostly disappeared from the general public at this point, though he keeps in close contact with his loyal fanbase over twitter and the occasional Instagram story. They seem fiercely protective over him, and by extension khun Gulf. Jane had scrolled through some pictures of them the other day: them posing with awards, carrying each other (mostly professor Mew carrying khun Gulf), and some of them just smiling at each other. She thinks she understands the protectiveness.

 _He must prefer it,_ Jane muses as professor Mew goes to the other end of the room to help a few students there, _because it lets him protect his love_. It sounds sappy even inside her mind, but she thinks professor Mew would definitely agree with her statement.

Professor Mew goes back to grading some worksheets and she keeps on scrolling through his Instagram page. One of them, a photo of Mew in a kimono outside of an onsen, has the caption: _thank you for letting me bring you to my favourite place, baby_. The comments are rife with theories - understandably, because there’s a simple comment from one Gulf Kanawut at the very top.

**gulfkanawut** 😋

Jane doesn’t know what kind of secret message that is (apparently professor Mew and khun Gulf communicate in emojis a lot), but she gets the gist of it.

“Damn.” She whispers under her breath. It’s like she’s scrolling through one of those ‘ideal couple’ Instagram pages. Except this love is real. Jane wishes she had that.

At that moment, Book scurries in, her hair hastily pulled into two pigtails, her tortoiseshell glasses balanced carefully on her nose, and a stack of book under her arm. She looks up shyly at a shout of her name, and gives a small wave back. Jane looks on fondly. Maybe one day she’ll have a relationship like Professor Mew’s too.


	6. BF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- throwback to the time mew was asked what they’d be if they weren’t “phi-nong with love’ and he answered “best/close friends” - gulf incredulous expression was iconic haha it was so cute  
> \- also am i the only one who's already counting down the days until friday?? i can't wait for ttts2 ep 2 algkjalk

Sneakers slapping against the pavement. Half a piece of toast, flapping about in the wind. The hot sun, beating down on the streets of Bangkok strong and steady at 10:40 in the morning. And, as per usual, Nick is late. Okay, maybe he’s never late for calculus class, but that’s because professor Mew is a force to be reckoned with when he’s mad, and Nick doesn’t want to experience the tail end of that.

Being late to an Intro to Engineering class, however? Nick can deal with those consequences.

He’s running up to the school when he sees a familiar man getting out of a car. Even if he hadn’t seen the man’s face, the pale blue shirt with its top few buttons undone is enough for Nick to recognize who it is.

“Professor Mew?” Said man looks up with a smile.

“Good morning, nong Nick. Here for class?” Nick nods eagerly. He’s making himself even more late by chatting with professor Mew, but to be honest, Nick doesn’t care. (Though professor Mew would probably admonish him if he knew.)

Ah, but there’s another person in the car beside Mew, and Nick peers in. Another man, who, in great contrast to Mew’s formal wear, is donning a soft blue hoodie and black sweatpants. His hair is messy and his eyes half-closed as if he’s about to drift back off to sleep.

“Hello, professor Mew’s...friend?” Nick is asking, but he does know who the man seated in the driver’s seat is. Khun Gulf, whom their calculus class had noticed was a photographer for most of the photos on professor Mew’s Instagram. An actor, sportscaster, model, and definitely someone very close to professor Mew. He’s not about to let the professor know the entire class has done a thorough stalking of khun Gulf’s Instagram, though.

“He’s my BF.” Nick frowns at the English letters.

“Prof! You know I suck at English!” Mew had tried to teach him English a few times at his own request, but to no avail. Nick does know that pickup line about ‘falling from heaven’ now, though. He hasn’t tested whether it works, but professor Mew had assured him it was failproof (“always works on my  _ faen _ , anyways”). But back to more important matters:  _ BF _ . What does that mean? “Like...best friends?”

Instantaneous reactions. For some reason, professor Mew is letting out the loudest laugh Nick’s ever heard, whilst khun Gulf - khun Gulf kind of looks annoyed? Okay, maybe annoyed is too big of a word. He just looks...slightly perplexed, slightly frustrated, like he’s heard this same evaluation somewhere else and hasn’t liked it.

“Yes, something like that.” professor Mew answers, squirming away with a delighted smile when khun Gulf reaches out to poke him. Nick is smiling on the outside, but on the inside he is absolutely  _ bursting _ with questions.

“See if I drive you to work ever again.” Khun Gulf complains, readjusting his arms where they’re resting on the steering wheel. Professor Mew pouts ( _ pouts! _ ), reaching out to the other man so quickly it looks like instinct.

“Aow! Don’t say that, na~” Professor Mew’s wrapped a hand around khun Gulf’s whole wrist now, the action accompanied by a pout on his lips. He shakes khun Gulf’s hand a few times, his grip gentle.

“P’Mew!”

Nick blinks rapidly. Do his eyes deceive him, or did professor Mew just... _ ngor _ ? Nick suddenly feels awkward, like he’s interrupting something private. Khun Gulf’s expression is weird. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed, his lips pursed together just a little bit, yet the look in his eyes is fond, and the edges of lips are curved upwards. He’s inched his wrist out of the professor’s grip and is now resting his hand against the professor’s, palm to palm.

“Um, I need to go to class, so I’ll see you later, professor!”

When Nick looks back one last time before heading into the building, Mew has his back to it, one knee on the passenger seat of the car. Probably talking to khun Gulf. Must be nice to have someone to drive you to work - if Nick had that, maybe he wouldn’t be late.

_ Oh gods, late. _ At precisely 10:54am, Nick turns heel and runs off to his Intro to Engineering class.


	7. sexuality, amongst other things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussions of sexuality, anxiety, and depression

Office hours go by fast, and before Book realizes it, she and professor Mew are the only ones left in his office.

She’s more confident in the professor’s presence than she was a month ago, but it’s still a lot on her. After all, most of the time she’s surrounded by other students, and if not other students, at least Jane. This - just her and professor Mew sitting alone in a room - feels strange.

To make matters worse, today just isn’t a good day for her. Book’s fine, normally, but sometimes she wakes up and it feels like her lungs are being crushed in her chest, an overbearing weight on her heart. It hurts but it’s a kind of hurt she doesn’t know how to explain, not with words, not with numbers, not with symbols. She wouldn’t call it depression, because she doesn’t like to self-diagnose, but it feels heavy, the weight of a world she isn’t sure how to hold.

It’d been a small thing that had triggered all this, because of course it always is. Nothing big, just a little quip from her mother as they were watching a design show on the TV. _“Look at him, goodness gracious me. Of course he’s gay.”_

Book had been thrown so quickly into the vortex of her own thoughts she’d barely been able to reply: “I don’t think that’s an indication of anything, mom.”

Why had it hurt her so much? It hadn’t even been about her, or even remotely directed to her, for godssake. But it’d made her wonder, wonder what it would be like if her mother knew that her own child was a little like that either. _Not straight? You can’t even say the word in your own head, you repressed dumbass._ And whilst imagination is sometimes the best form of escapism, sometimes it throws you down a rabbit hole created purely of your own mind. It’d been the latter situation for Book, and so today in office hours she’d been even quieter than usually, her thoughts preoccupying too much to even allow her to smile at the jokes the professor had been cracking.

“Nong.” Book raises her head a beat too late, and colours. Professor Mew looks concerned. “Are you alright?” Book’s about to nod her head, she really is. There’s a lot better place to show her emotion than in university, much less in office hours. But _fuck_ if she can’t control the sole tear that finds its way down her face.

“I - “ She can’t find the words all of a sudden, and she’s dimly reminded of how ashamed her parents would be of her if they saw her like this. 

“I don’t want to assume things, nong.” Professor Mew’s voice is gentle yet hesitant. “But does this, by any chance, have to do with nong Jane?” Book lowers her head.

“It shouldn’t,” she confesses, her voice thick with tears, “it is but it shouldn’t.” Trust the professor to see right through her, to pinpoint the very source of her crisis. “It’s just - “ The tears fall down her face quicker and quicker, and the weight of her heart in her chest grows heavier and heavier. Professor Mew sits there quietly, a comforting yet silent presence. He waits patiently for her to continue.

“I think I like her. And I know that’s not normal, that it’s not right - “ _Oh gods_. Book tacks on the last part quickly but the damage is done. She’s admitted it, and it feels like confessing a sin. She tags on words, words she isn’t sure are helping her case but it doesn’t matter because right now she doesn’t really know what’s going on, can’t fully fathom the words that leave her lips - “but sometimes I don’t think I like guys, and sometimes I wake up and I think I might never love anyone at all.”

There’s a lot of things Book knows how to explain. Pythagoras’ theorem, VSEPR theory, redox equations. But this - this she doesn’t know its causes, its effects, its consequences, nothing like any of the math equations or science experiments she’s worked her life to be so good at. _Love._ So complex and so torturous, for something that should make one so happy.

“Is it because you don’t want it?” The professor asks, “because that’s fine. But if you feel like you don’t want to be loved at all because you don’t deserve it, then I can tell you for sure that’s not true.”

“All of it. All of it. And it feels like I’m the only one who feels this way, sometimes.” Sometimes I don’t know who I’m allowed to love, and sometimes I don’t want to love at all.

“Let me tell you a story, nong.” Professor Mew says, and he fiddles a little with his earring before he starts speaking again, “I used to be a little like you, before. I was ashamed of who I loved because the one time I had expressed that love...something - someone - hurt me very publicly. I was younger, more naive, and I hurt them, so they hurt me back. I guess I deserved it.” There’s a wry smile on professor Mew’s face, and Book can feel it, a twinge in her heart. He must have really felt it, at the time. Book’s never experienced it, but she thinks she can imagine it, a weight dragging her down slowly, steadily.

“I thought it was a sign, that the world was punishing me for loving like that. For loving _him_ like that. But then I learned it was just the wrong person. It wasn’t me, it was them.”

“But then I found the right person. And with them, everything just felt...it just felt right.” The look of happiness on professor Mew’s face - Book can only imagine the trepidation then the relief he felt when he found that person, his person. “So for me it was a matter of finally finding the right person, because with them, all the hurt and all the times I’d repressed myself on the way - it was all worth it.”

“Plus, that’s just my story. Everyone loves different”, Professor Mew tells her. “Sometimes we make mistakes in love, and more often than not we’re not too sure of what we’re doing. But that’s our own personal journey and no one else’s.” _Our own personal journey_ , Book thinks. Yes, yes, that must be it. Book knows she’s young, that she hasn’t ventured that far. But her own journey, at her own pace - yes, she can do that.

“Anyways, I’ve ranted quite a bit,” The professor scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “I think what I mean to say is that I get it - whatever you’re going through, I get it.”

Book opens the door and walks away from that conversation with sweaty fingers, and a smile that’s so wide it’s uncontrollable. There’s an unmistakable feeling of lightness in her chest. Maybe one day everything will be okay, maybe one day she’ll be able to look at her own mother in the eyes and explain that sometimes she likes girls a bit more than usual, explain that maybe some norms just aren’t meant to be norms.

Today is not exactly that day, but Book knows in her heart of hearts, that sometime, somewhere in the future, that day will come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- this one is very very self-indulgent  
> \- i just feel like mew has such a nuanced view on sexuality, and i’m proud to stan someone like that  
> \- anyways, my main point is every sexuality is valid!! whether you want someone, someones, or noone at all!!  
> \- despite my valiant attempts at writing on here, i’m not really the best with words, but please know that all my stories, my presence in the waanjai fandom, etc. are ALWAYS a safe space!! i hope that whatever i write brings you a modicum of happiness, no matter how small - i find that i don’t quite know how to make people happy, but i hope my intention (??) shines through with everything i write  
> \- SORRY FOR THE RANT HAHA If anyone has any questions they’d like to ask professor Mew, drop them down in the comments or pop them over to my curiouscat or twitter (it's for a future chapter!!)  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/myu_gao)


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